Ejaculation By Command:

The Only Review You Can Trust - Written By A Sex Therapist

So just how does all this work?


Read on to find out more.


What Does "Ejaculation control" Mean To You?

Back in 2004, Donald Patrick, Donald Patrick, together with a number of other researchers, including Stanley Althof, one of the foremost researchers on premature ejaculation in the United States, published a paper to try and understand more clearly what effect premature ejaculation has on men and their partners.

Some of the observations they made in this paper, frankly, are perfectly obvious.

For example, we all know that PE is the most common male sexual problem - what we don't know, and are never likely to find out, is how common it is. My guess is that over 50% of men ejaculate uncontrollably during intercourse.

And judging by the number of men who have read my review of Ejaculation By Command, that guess is probably pretty accurate. These men frequently email me to say they have no control over their ejaculation, and can I help them get some control?

And to me, that's the whole point about the definition of premature ejaculation: it isn't really about how fast you come, because we all want to come slowly on some occasions, and more quickly on others.

In fact, the only meaningful definition of premature ejaculation is that you have no control over when you ejaculate.

Now, Patrick and his colleagues rightly observe that it's hard to develop an in-depth understanding of PE.

And they're also right in their implication that we need this information to be able to speak about it intelligently and offer effective cures to men who have a tendency to come too quickly.

But really, why should we care?

I mean, if a man can't be bothered to improve his sexual performance, and doesn't care about his partner, why don't we just leave him to stew in his own juice?

Answer - because PE causes a lot of problems, a lot of relationship problems, and the truth is there is a cure! (It's called Ejaculation By Command, in case you hadn't realized yet!)

If you're one of the men don't even know a cure is available - look in the right hand column of this page.

How Does Command Help Control PE?

The best definition of premature ejaculation is, as I've already said: you have no control over when you ejaculate.

But science being science, researchers have found it necessary to be more formal in their definition.

And so what emerges is this: an intravaginal ejaculatory latency time (IELT) of two minutes or less is a pretty good definition of premature ejaculation.

And what's IELT I hear you ask?

The answer is very simple -- it's the time between penetration and ejaculation. (As measured by the partner with a stopwatch, believe it or not.)

What frustrates me about this is that there is no need for men to struggle with a lack of ejaculatory control.

You see, there are plenty of self-help treatment programs available on the Internet, the best of which is Lloyd Lester's program Ejaculation by Command, a review of which you can see on the home page of this site.

So how does this help us? Although very formal, it's certainly a clear definition.

The problem is that it doesn't take into account the sexual satisfaction that either the man or the woman get from sexual intercourse.

Nor does it reflect in anyway the degree of control that the man thinks he has over his ejaculation.

Patient Reported Outcomes

Patient reported outcomes add a human dimension to the bare statistics revealed by scientific data.

To find out just what men thought about premature ejaculation, Patrick and his colleagues interviewed 1500 men over 18 years of age in ongoing, stable heterosexual relationships that had been in existence for six months or more.

Six months? Well, we all know how exciting a new sexual partner can be, and we also know the effects that can have on ejaculatory latency.... (which means how long it takes you to come).

Men who were selected for the study were defined as having premature ejaculation by the criteria set down in the DSM IV manual of mental and psychiatric disorders.

(I never really liked the term "disorder" applied to premature ejaculation, but I suppose it's no less pejorative a term than male sexual dysfunction.)

It doesn't occur in works written by non-scientists like Lloyd Lester, who approaches the subject more delicately in Ejaculation By Command.

These criteria are:

  • Persistent or recurrent ejaculation before or just after penetration with very little sexual stimulation
  • Ejaculation occurring before the man or his partner wish it to happen
  • Some unfortunate, stressful outcome in the relationship between the partners.
I'm paraphrasing a little bit, but you probably know I mean: women may say they don't mind premature ejaculation, but they really do, and men are upset by it because it makes them feel inadequate in bed.

Imagine Having To Do This?

In the study, the man or woman were given a stopwatch, and told that the female partner had to switch on the stopwatch when the man penetrated her vagina, and switch it off when he ejaculated.

They were then told to write the elapsed time down in a log.

And, amusingly enough, they were also asked not to engage in new sexual techniques in case they were over-excited and came very quickly.

Of course we will never know if the participants complied with these expectations or if they got carried away with excitement and just did their own thing. Even so, the study produced a number of interesting discoveries.

The 1587 men broke down into two groups: 207 with premature ejaculation, and 1380 who were regarded as not having on ejaculatory dysfunction.

The groups were similar in terms of age, race, lifestyle, and other factors. Another important point - Ejaculation by Command pretty much works for everyone who tries it.

So you may well ask, "what the hell is the cause of premature ejaculation?"

Well it turns out that those men diagnosed as having PE could make love for only 1.8 minutes, compared to 7.3 minutes among men with no PE.

It will probably not surprise you to learn that men in the group diagnosed with PE said that they felt they had significantly less control over ejaculation, and they were considerably less satisfied with sexual intercourse, and their relationships demonstrated considerably higher levels of interpersonal difficulty and distress than those in the non-PE group. They mostly regarded their PE as either "moderate or severe".

Partners seemed to be more tolerant of premature ejaculation than the men themselves. (To which I say, "Yeah, right!")

There was some correlation between what the men said about their condition, and what their partners said about it, but overall it's clear that this is a problem that impacts men more than it does women.

Now, as I said above, women may say they don't mind PE but in actual fact they do.

So my suspicion is that a lot of the women in this survey were not saying what they really felt so as to avoid hurting their partners' feelings - as perhaps is proven by the fact that I sometimes get women buying Ejaculation by Command for their men.

Interestingly enough, quite a lot of men say that they think they have high levels of control over ejaculation, and appear to be very satisfied with intercourse, even though objectively they do ejaculate quite quickly after penetration. And of course, human nature being what it is, the reverse is also true.

Some of us are just never satisfied....

Another study conducted by Raymond Rosen and Stanley Althof Stanley Althof throws more light on the impact of premature ejaculation on a couple.

Could it be true, could it really be true, as the claim, that PE is responsible for causing anxiety, depression and distress in both men and their partners?

This sounds incredible, but there is research which suggests that men's self-esteem and self-confidence is impacted to such a degree by PE that it may even stop men from seeking relationships with women.

What we do know is that far fewer men ask for help with premature ejaculation than actually experience it.

Analysis of patient reported outcomes certainly proves that relationship distress and control of ejaculation are the most important subjective variables which can be applied to a diagnosis of PE.

Interestingly enough, what's also become apparent is that PE is linked to other male sexual dysfunctions; it has always been thought that men with PE are less affected by erectile dysfunction (ED) and other sexual dysfunctions than men without it, but recent studies have disputed this conclusion.

You can read more about his in Ejaculation by Command and similar works like the Ejaculation Trainer.

By reviewing the literature on the impact of premature ejaculation, Rosen and Althof have demonstrated that there really is a high level of distress in men who have PE, and there's quite a lot of evidence to suggest that this is true of their partners as well.

It's possible, of course, that you're wondering at this point why scientists are paid to come to such obvious conclusions!

After all, almost any man who is sensitive to his partner's sexual needs, and that probably is the majority of men, will want to ensure that he's making love to her in a way that satisfies the sexual. After all, dammit, that's really important to men too.

While women look for certain things like commitment, loyalty and tenderness, men want to be able to satisfy woman's sexual needs.

No wonder there's distress if that doesn't happen! And since there's a dynamic at work here of denial - only a small proportion of these men seek treatment - what on earth is going on?

The answer seems to be, as reported by both this study and Lloyd in Ejaculation By Command, that men are too embarrassed to seek help, or they do not believe there is an effective treatment for premature ejaculation and don't bother to seek help.

In actual fact, only 4%, a miniscule 4% of men with PE, bother to get help. And this despite the fact that actually half of men with PE know that there are drugs available - compared to only 13% who actually seek help.

Incredibly, only 4% of men with premature ejaculation had ever sought help or information from qualified a doctor or therapist.

In days gone by, that may not have been too surprising. But nowadays, with the easy availability of programs like Ejaculation by Command, it is more surprising.

And if that's not bad enough, it turns out that a large proportion men with ejaculatory problems don't even discuss them with their partner - more than 60% of men with PE never speak to their partner about it.

Now, one of the other interesting things about this study is that about half of all the women who turn up at sexual therapy clinics with complaints such as not enjoying sex or not achieving orgasm have partners with premature ejaculation difficulties. Is that a coincidence? It seems highly unlikely.

There is definitely an element of naiveté about PE: one study showed that 27% of men with PE had no idea whether or not their partner achieved orgasm, nor how often she did so. That compares with only 4% of men who have control over ejaculation.

So what does all this tell us about the impact of PE?

It confirms that premature ejaculation is certainly responsible for a high level of personal distress amongst men and their partners. Indeed, there is a significant impact on their quality-of-life score!

So the question obviously arises - why don't more men do something about it? This is particularly true for single men on whom the impact of PE is much greater, acting as a barrier to forming new relationships.

The authors concluded with the slightly pessimistic viewpoint that: "PE is a condition with a high level of psychological distress that may be as impactful as ED on the man and his partner."

They suggested that greater recognition of PE would enable effective treatments to be developed.... well, that's an interesting viewpoint.

From a medical or scientific point of view, it turns out that what "effective treatment" means is drug-related. On another page of this site we'll discuss whether a drug-based treatment for a sexual dysfunction like PE is appropriate.

In the meantime, let's remind ourselves that Lloyd Lester's program "Ejaculation By Command" is one of the few self-help programs that has a high record of success - it has been demonstrated to work for over 92% of the men who use the techniques it reveals.

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Rod Phillips


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  • Uncontrolled Ejaculation
  • Sex That Only Lasts A Few Minutes
  • Feeling Bad About Your Skills In Bed

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Complete Control & Supreme Confidence During Sex

Sex That Lasts Exactly As Long As You Want

A Happy & Satisfied Partner

And Massive Sexual Confidence.

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